BASS
I was born in Merrillville, Indiana, and raised in what John aptly calls the “booming metropolis” of Billings, Montana. I’m the oldest of four children. When I was a chubby 13-year-old in the Catholic school system, my parents graciously gave me permission to trade in my ass-rocking alto saxophone for a four-string bass guitar.
I taught myself how to play bass by locking myself in my room with a bag of Dolly Madison powdered mini-donuts and listening to a variety of different bands, starting with Blink-182 and eventually moving up to bands such as the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Primus, and Rage Against the Machine. I spent all of high school and most of college playing in a myriad of unsuccessful garage bands. My luck changed in the summer of 2006 when I heard these clowns—meaning John, Josh, and Levi—were looking for a new bass player. One e-mail and one on-stage audition later, they officially hired me as “the new guy” — a title I still maintain to this day.
Aside from music, I’m a bit of a mixed bag. For one, I don’t take myself too seriously and enjoy a good joke just as much as the next guy. Secondly, I’m still in school and will actually be a legitimate, practicing attorney in July of 2012. Thirdly, the rest of the guys in the band are pushing 46, and I’ve only recently been able to legally buy pornography. Finally, you should know that I’m a huge geek at heart and have an affinity for science fiction and fantasy. Don’t believe me? My favorite books are the Harry Potter series. My favorite shows are Battlestar Galactica and Lost. My favorite movie is Star Wars. I don’t like Star Trek, though. That shit is for nerds.
Favorite Clintons song to play live?
-It’s a toss-up between “Free Ride” and “Baltimore.”
Most embarrassing record in your collection?
-God help me, I actually have a Nickelback album in my collection, even though I hate them more than sin.
Most embarrassing onstage faux pas?
-When we played a benefit show for the Intermountain Children’s Hospital, I told the crowd that John–with his newly-shaved head–looked like the child molester version of Mr. Clean. I should have researched my audience a bit more before saying something like that. Oh well.
Most memorable road story?
-In spring of 2008, we drove to Los Angeles for the annual ASCAP singer/songwriter convention. To ensure our safety on the 18-hour drive, we rented a 2007 Chrysler 300M, which may as well have been a Bentley to us. We stuck a magnet that said “I Masturbate” on the back bumper to give our rental car some flare and character. Needless to say, we received a multitude of reactions from people whenever we stopped to get gas or food, but the best reaction I can remember was in the middle of Death Valley, probably about 100 miles south of Las Vegas. We were just driving along, enjoying ourselves, and a car full of guys that were around my age passed us on the left, honking, hooting, hollering, and giving us the thumbs up as if to say, “Hey, so do we!” It was a real laugh riot. A relatively attractive girl driving a BMW (which was more like a Bentley than our car) passed us soon after. I made eye contact with her and cocked my eyebrow, and she seemed less than enthused about our magnet. I didn’t care, though. At least those dudes liked it.
If you weren’t a musician what would you be doing?
-Devoting all of my time to law school instead of just most of it.
Any songs you’d like to cover that your band mates will refuse to play?
-Probably “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen. I think it’d be great, but I can imagine the others would think it was NOT great.
If you had your own TV show, what would it be called?
-”Another Generic Reality Show That Doesn’t Have Any Redeeming Qualities.”
If you could be in any other band, what would it be?
-It would be a 13-piece funk band, complete with a horn section and at least one keyboard player.
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